Polygyny Schmolygyny
Polygyny, not Polygamy. See the definition.
I met this interesting Kuwaiti (Firefighter) online and we've been having sporadic discussions regarding the cultural differences between us. Despite the fact that we are both Kuwaiti he says I am so unlike the average kuwaitia, and due to that, the chances of me hooking up with a Kuwaiti are extremely slim, lest he be like myself in mentality. And needless to say I agree with him. Infact, I was helping my aunt pack for her trip the other night and I expressed to her that I didn't think I would marry a Kuwaiti and she herself advised me against doing so. Point in case.
The thing that left me feeling frustrated with Firefighter was his belief surrounding Polygyny. My Islamic belief on polygyny is that yes, it is allowed, but men are advised against it by God because they risk (big time) being inequitable with his wives.
Firefighter's reasoning for polygyny is purely based on his immense desire to have kids; if wife #1 turns out to be barren, then he plans on marrying a second wife. Naturally, this ruffled my feathers. Even if there was nothing wrong with marriage #1, he'd still do it. I told him by him doing so, he'd be unfair to wife #1, let alone cruel in taking another wife. Unfair because he'd be having a complete family with #2 and would not be able to give himself fully to #1 as he would with #2 (and child).
I told him that marriage is about two people being together and children are a consquencial occurence thereafter.
It was at this point he exclaimed that I would most likely not find a Kuwaiti man who thinks differently from him (meaning like me). Whatever dude... I beg to differ.
Your polygynous thoughts?
I met this interesting Kuwaiti (Firefighter) online and we've been having sporadic discussions regarding the cultural differences between us. Despite the fact that we are both Kuwaiti he says I am so unlike the average kuwaitia, and due to that, the chances of me hooking up with a Kuwaiti are extremely slim, lest he be like myself in mentality. And needless to say I agree with him. Infact, I was helping my aunt pack for her trip the other night and I expressed to her that I didn't think I would marry a Kuwaiti and she herself advised me against doing so. Point in case.
The thing that left me feeling frustrated with Firefighter was his belief surrounding Polygyny. My Islamic belief on polygyny is that yes, it is allowed, but men are advised against it by God because they risk (big time) being inequitable with his wives.
Firefighter's reasoning for polygyny is purely based on his immense desire to have kids; if wife #1 turns out to be barren, then he plans on marrying a second wife. Naturally, this ruffled my feathers. Even if there was nothing wrong with marriage #1, he'd still do it. I told him by him doing so, he'd be unfair to wife #1, let alone cruel in taking another wife. Unfair because he'd be having a complete family with #2 and would not be able to give himself fully to #1 as he would with #2 (and child).
I told him that marriage is about two people being together and children are a consquencial occurence thereafter.
It was at this point he exclaimed that I would most likely not find a Kuwaiti man who thinks differently from him (meaning like me). Whatever dude... I beg to differ.
Your polygynous thoughts?
posted by Truth Seeker at 6/19/2005 10:16:00 PM
3 Comments:
I haven't met a man yet who can completely satisfy ONE woman (on various levels). If you know this man: send me his number. If it is all supposed to be equal - then it never will be. You can't treat 2 women equally because they are 2 different individuals. Even materialistically - who can afford 2/3/4 identical diamond watches, 2/3/4 identical Mercedes, etc?
As long as the women are aware of what they are getting into in a polygamous marriage, then it is up to them to determine if they want to marry a man who already has another wife (or stay married to a man who takes another wife). To each his/her own, but... Pesonally, if it was me, SOMEBODY would have to die, but that's just me. I've known other women (including Western women) who don't mind sharing. I do.
As far as your firefighter dude goes, it sounds to me as if he has never actually HAD a long-term, serious relationship with a woman - otherwise he would understand the responsibilities involved in a lasting relationship and the demands of a routine that require time, resources, and emotional maturity.
Nobody wants to share their husbands, but as the firefighter said there are certain situations where the guy might have to take a second wife. I know there are reasons why god allowed polygyny, but I don’t think I could remain in a marriage if my husband decided to take another wife seeing how it would be such an emotional trauma for me. I might remain in the relationship only if I was forced into the marriage in the first place or didn’t have any feelings for him or the sex was pretty bad ;p
The question is why is it so important to marry of your own nationality, I know it would make life so much easier seeing you are of the same culture, but wouldn’t you rather be happy than being with someone just because they are Kuwaiti! Sometimes it just doesn’t make sense to me.
Now that I think of it who would be the best nationality of men to marry? Or are men all over the world the same in general?
Illusion:
I think if the sex were to be pretty bad it would be grounds for leaving not staying;-)
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